I know you aren’t used to getting messages from me, but something has got to change around here. I’m getting really tired of the way you sometimes ignore me at the end of a long day. It makes me sad that things aren’t the way you want them to be, especially when the fixes seem so obvious, because, as your pet, I can see things that you cannot.
The New Year is right around the corner so I have come up with some great ways that we can have fun together and make things better for both of us. So, check out my list of New Year’s resolutions for pet owners…. suggested by the pets who love them.
As your loving pet….
- I RESOLVE to take you outside every time it rains, sleets, snows, or hails, because I know you love the feel of water squishing in your shoes and cold wind up your pant leg.
- I RESOLVE to make sure there is always plenty of stinky garbage and that it is spread from one end of the house to the other. If we run out, I will make more because you seem to get so excited when I do.
- I RESOLVE to create beautiful gifts for you with my guts, like poop and hairballs, and leave them where they can be found without looking, to show my appreciation for all you give to me.
- I RESOLVE to make sure that the new rug and flower beds are clearly marked with my scent so you can find your way home easily anytime.
- I RESOLVE to make sure you never miss a single Sunday sunrise again, even if it means sitting on your chest and staring creepily or peeing on the comforter while you’re under it.
- I RESOLVE to not let you wear those ugly shoes again. They were hideous, so I took care of them…
- I RESOLVE to bark at every firework just to let you know that I am looking out for you.
- And most importantly of all, I will always be there waiting in my own special way to make your day brighter, your life fuller, and your smile bigger. (Well, that is my intention, anyway.)
I hope you have a safe, fun, and happy new year, and I hope you appreciate all I do for you. You do know that you’d be lost without us pets? Oh yea, by the way, never eat the yellow snow, okay?