Dear U.S. Department of Labor,
I hope this letter finds you well. I, for one, am not well. Every year around this time, I get harassed at my job. This harassment includes being bitten, scratched and having wildly rude noises barked right into my ear. I have been injured and insulted, not to mention witnessing some heinous acts of public urination. Below I have included photo evidence as proof of my mistreatment.
Santa M. Claus