Some of us dress our dogs and cats up on special occasions, like Friday night. Others wait until October 31st rolls around when pets are too distracted by ghosts and goblins and ringing doorbells to protest much. Either way, dogs and cats aren’t usually all that thrilled with their owners turning them into clowns or pumpkins or super heroes. They’d much rather go as the wolves and lions they already believe themselves to be.
But, whatever outfit your pet adorns this Halloween, some costumes are better than others. If you’re looking for ideas, consider some of the following. Your pet will tolerate them for a whole five minutes.
Number 1: Crocodile Food
If you ask a dog, being dressed in a crocodile costume is about as bad as being eaten by an actual crocodile. At least the latter is a whole lot quicker and people don’t point and laugh as much.
Number 2: Cheerleader
Dogs are natural born cheerers – they offer us encouragement, they’re always thrilled to see us when we walk through the door, and they throw a pep rally each week before we embark on trips to the grocery store.…rah-rah-rah-rawhide!
Number 3: Count Dracula
This vampire wants to suck your blood…y steak. Or your bloody hamburger. Or your bloody prime rib. Or your bloody fillet mignon. Just hand over your plate, already.
Number 4: Tiger
More than one person from your Home Owner’s Association might call animal control if you dress your dog in this tiger costume. It looks real if you’re standing far away. Or if you’re very drunk.
Number 5: Elite Society Dog
Put a costume like this on your dog and he might just spend his evening reading the Hounds of Baskerville and barking in a British accent. Well bred, well fed, and well read.
Number 6: Madonna
This isn’t technically a Madonna costume. You can tell it’s not official because the lack of bone bra, er, cone bra. Still, Madonna is a natural choice because of her songs: Material Mutt, This Used to be My Greyhound, True Blue Heeler, and Papa Get Leash.
Number 7: Harry Potter
Harry Potter costumes are all the rage for humans and canines. Pups dress in this getup as they anxiously wait for the invitation to Hogwarts (Dogwarts) via owl. Then they eat the owl. And it tastes like chicken.
Number 8: Penguin
You can tell by this cat’s expression that he loves the idea of dressing up as an arctic bird. And by “loves the idea” we mean “is plotting your murder.”
Number 9: Indiana Jones
Indiana Jones meets Indiana Bones. It makes perfect sense: dogs are natural diggers. If they were people, they’d probably all be archaeologists or professional speed eaters.
Number 10: Rice Krispies Treat
If you’re looking for a particularly tasty costume for your tabby, consider turning them into a Rice Kitties treat. His face speaks for cats in costume everywhere and it says, “I’d rather be fishing.”
Number 11: Batman
This Batman costume turns your ferocious feline into Batcat. He protects citizens of Gotham from vet visits, fleas, and dumb, dumb dogs. The Dark Knight rises…and he uses the litter box.
Number 12: Hipster Hound
Dress your dog in vintage clothing and send them trick-or-treating as a hipster. Your mutt will celebrate Halloween but, like all hipsters, will only do so ironically.
Number 13: Cat in the Hat
The Dr. Seuss book The Cat in the Hat is now a true story. And the moral is easy to remember: a cat in the hat is a cat on Valium.
Number 14: Chewbacca
This costume is awesome, but it’s low on the list because it’s not really a costume at all: this dog simply looks like a canine Chewbacca. Thus, it’s sort of a cop out, kind of like when all of us go dressed up as super models.
Number 15: Fifty Shades of Grey
You know what makes an ideal Halloween costume? One where you have to use a sign explaining what the costume is! But props for originality, nonetheless. The costume, like all of them, is quite fetching.